“If you ‘fit in’ in junior high or high school, you are probably not a good Christian.”

I remember saying this to a high school Sunday school class I taught in Singapore in the early 1990s. At the time, we were doing a manuscript study of the Gospel of Mark. The whole Gospel of Mark was typed up with no chapters, verses, or even indenting for paragraphs. Students used colored markers to identify themes and important teachings. Slowly, it became clear that Jesus’ teaching was often very countercultural to life as a teenager. Jesus’ understanding of what was clean or unclean was at odds with his culture and its leaders. His standards were much higher and his mercy much deeper.

Jesus’ acts and teachings were so irritating to the cultural norms, in fact, that they eventually got him killed.

When I was teaching that class, I was remembering my own time in junior high. It is a distant but clear memory of identifying with “groups” that functioned at times like little gangs. After lunch someone from a different group picked a fight with my group by stealing my hat, and, of course, I ran after the “enemy” to retrieve it. I caught him, grabbed my hat, and then (in a very unchristian manner) whacked the chap on the head with a clenched fist. I “got even,” in other words. But at the same time, God spoke to me about revenge through a jammed finger. Revenge is not really that sweet, nor is it Christ-like.

Christians in school should stand out because of their different approach to socialization, conflict, and social life. Christian schoolchildren should be more humble, less prone to forming cliques that exclude others, and more likely to help or serve. I still think it is important to tell our children and youth groups this simple truth: “A person who is a disciple will not always ‘fit in’ in school culture and at times will suffer because of their Christian discipleship.”

This brings me to the larger culture today. I think most of us would agree that our culture is much more judgmental and quicker to divide than it was a decade or two ago. We do have some empirical evidence: the percentage of active pastors who are seriously contemplating leaving the ministry is alarmingly high (around 40%).[1] The stress of ministry, when there are so many divisions and so much anger, was heightened during the pandemic. But the divisive culture continues to take its toll.

There are many ways Christians will be misfits; some we have always been aware of. Christians possess a high view of the sanctity of marriage and ought not to have extramarital affairs, cheat on income tax, use drugs, or view pornography. But I would like to suggest the larger culture is a litigious, divisive culture, and Christians on all sides of the ideological spectrum are often caught up in the same spirit of divisiveness and revenge rather than being bastions of mercy, humility, and forgiveness. We will not represent Jesus to the world when we constantly divide, criticize, and disparage our own brothers and sisters in Christ.

How do we break out of this cultural entropy that drives us down into greater distrust and division? I think it begins by being willing to talk openly about how our culture is forming us more than Scripture is transforming us. I have written before about how social media is “discipling” us. Here I would like to suggest that the defensive response to this (turning off the cell phone and computer) should be paired with the positive counter-initiative of talking to one another about our culture and the gospel implications.

Taking to heart Scripture that addresses such matters is a good place to start:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. (Romans 12: 1-3, NIV)

And so, I encourage you to pray with me: “Lord, we pray that you would become greater in our minds, in our emotions, and in our wills. We pray that, from a greater vision of you in your goodness, beauty, and glory, we will find it easier to see the ways our culture opposes you, and we will more easily cling to you in all we do. Make us peacemakers in a divisive age, and make us merciful in a judgmental age. We pray this so that we will exhibit peace and reconciliation and your name will bring about the conversion of the nations. Amen.”

[1] Aaron Earls. “Why Are More Pastors Thinking About Quitting?” Lifeway Research. April 5, 2024; “Pastors Share Top Reasons They’ve Considered Quitting Ministry in the Past Year” Barna Group. August 16, 2023.

Dr. Scott W. Sunquist, President of Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, is author of the “Attentiveness” blog. He welcomes comments, responses, and good ideas.