Unreasonable Hospitality
Dr. Jana Holiday
Will Guidara has changed my view on hospitality in seminary—an unlikely source. Will was a restauranteur in NYC, best known for revitalizing the restaurant Eleven Madison Park. Guidara’s approach is “unreasonable hospitality”—which he describes as “intentional and creative in pursuit of relationships.” Since reading Guidara’s book I’ve been thinking about what it looks like to develop this capacity. Hospitality isn’t just good customer service or flowers on the table. Hospitality is unexpected thoughtfulness in relationships as we care for others. He describes this kind of hospitality as “the remarkable power of giving people more than they expect.”
Guidara describes an evening at his fine dining (eventually) Michelin-starred restaurant, where some guests visiting New York casually mentioned to their server the one thing they didn’t get to do during their visit was enjoy a hot dog from a street vendor. Guidara found a hot dog from the cart on the corner and served it on a fancy plate for the guests as one of their courses. Can you imagine the story those guests went home with? They were seen and cared for—the hot dog was creative and unexpected, simple and full of meaning.
I am the grateful recipient of so much hospitality. One recent example: for the last five years since she lived in her current house, I’ve been staying in my sister’s guest room when I visit. This summer for the first time, some shampoo and conditioner appeared in the shower I use. Here is where the “intentional and creative” showed up: when my sister was at the grocery store, she had my six-year-old nephew and three-year-old niece smell some shampoo options and together they picked the one they thought I would like best. It’s a flowery, plum smell and they were spot on! Thoughtful connection and care best come in unexpected ways.
Here are some thoughts about what “unreasonable hospitality” might look like at Gordon-Conwell:
- Be prayerful about your engagement. One of the best things about community is that as we engage with people and there is a significant potential ripple effect. We never know how a relationship will continue. We never know what one point in a sermon will mean to someone. We never know how one conversation will shape the trajectory of someone’s Kingdom work. Abiding in Christ and listening to the Spirit is the best way to ensure we are partnering with the Lord in what he wants to do in the world.
- Be present. Think of all the small windows into someone’s experience that open in normal life that we come across when we pay attention. We blink and we almost miss them. Being present means that our attentiveness is primed for those intentional and creative experiences. Here’s a fun data tidbit: we ask graduates to name the most important influences on their educational experience outside of academics. The number one answer is “interactions with students.” Being present matters so much—in a seminary community or otherwise.
- Be sticky. Guidara says that we should “create connections.” We need to be “sticky” because connections create meaning. We also may need thick skin because we might get rejected. Stickiness in community can look like extending a couple of invitations even when the first one is refused. It can be continuing in relationship even when it requires work to understand another’s experience.
- Be generous. We might not have the budget we wish we did, but we do have the Spirit, who nudges us toward generosity and abundance. The Lord might invite us to give our time, to join a conversation, to encourage someone, or more. When we are in a stressful season, we have a choice to walk with a spirit of generosity or a spirit of restriction. We can choose now what our posture will be later.
- Be imaginative. This is the culmination of the other four: our prayer, presence, stickiness, and generosity woven together can lead us to imaginative action that is the experience of unreasonable hospitality. From practical jokes to warm notes, high fives in the hall to funny memes on Instagram, endless opportunity is present as we seek to give more than expected.
The Shunammite woman is a great example of unreasonable hospitality. In 2 Kings 4:8 she “insisted” Elisha come for a meal at her house and, from then on whenever he passed that way, he’d stop for a meal. That’s already pretty hospitable, but we find out that she also talked her husband into building a guest room for Elisha (4:10). She may have prayed about her role in his ministry, the presence she and her husband offered was clearly a blessing to Elisha, insisting that he take rest and spend time with them. Creating a guest room in a world without Ikea or Amazon would have been a challenge, and readers might presume that this room came with only the very basics. However, this passage specifies that they built a space with not only a bed but a table, chair and lamp. The Shunammite woman went beyond the basics and designed a space for Elisha to rest, to work and to prepare for ministry. This woman had a unique vision for Elisha’s ministry and understood what he might need. Then she built it for him. May we follow her example of bringing vision to life through our own version of unreasonable hospitality!
Dr. Jana Holiday is the dean of students at Gordon-Conwell. Her upcoming book, Take Good Care: An Invitation to Administration as Formation For The Kingdom, will be out next year.