Attentiveness: Marshmallow Test

Every once in a while, things just seem to come together: theology, psychology, child-rearing, and holiness. It all came together in my mind recently when I read Titus 2.

In the first two chapters of Titus Paul is talking about the Christian life, specifically what is required of leaders in the church (presbuteros). Surprisingly, he talks about “sound doctrine” and then immediately highlights the Christian life. It is as if he is saying, “I am going to make sure your doctrine is sound so here are some questions: Do you treat people kindly and with understanding? Do you do what is good? Are you patient with your children?” For Paul, sound doctrine is observable in a person’s life.

I find this beautiful, measurable, but also somewhat intimidating. Knowing the Nicene Creed by heart, reciting the Westminster Smaller Catechism, or even knowing by heart the Book of Common Prayer or the Book of Concord is not the real test of sound doctrine according to Paul. The real test of sound doctrine is its being reflected in your Christian character or holiness. You should be sound in love and patient and self-controlled. That is the test of sound doctrine Paul describes for Titus.

In the first two chapters, as Paul is talking about the character of a leader, the word he uses the most to describe the Christian’s character is usually translated “self-control” (sophron).[1] This just jumps out at the reader because it is used five times in less than two chapters. Repetition (as I learned in exegesis at Gordon-Conwell) is a key indicator of what is central to a passage. In I Corinthians 13 the central theme is love, while in Titus 1 and 2 it is self-control.

If ever there was a word that was countercultural to our modern life it is self-control and its associated characteristic of patience. The overarching impulse of our modern culture, driven by some aspects of modern psychology and accelerated through social media, encourages you to “express yourself.” Don’t hold back. Fulfill your desires and passions. Click now. Buy now.

Yet, Paul says, “Do you seek a godly leader? Look for someone with self-control.”

And considering these things, my mind wanders to one of the most fascinating longitudinal studies in modern positive psychology: the Stanford University study on delayed gratification led by Dr. Walter Mischel (1930-2018). A young child is put in a room by herself and told she can have one marshmallow now or, after the adult leaves and comes back in 15 minutes, she can have two marshmallows!

It is called delayed gratification or delayed satisfaction, but it is really a test of patience and self-control—core Christian virtues (Galatians 5:22,23).

Some children looked over their shoulder when the adult left the room and quickly ate the marshmallow. However, what was of great interest for the study and for our understanding of Christian virtue formation is that many young children developed strategies to control themselves: to wait for the greater gift of two marshmallows! These “self-controlled” children would play with the marshmallow; they would talk to the marshmallow or talk to themselves (“I don’t have to eat this marshmallow because I will have two marshmallows soon!”). Very early in life they had learned strategies for self-control.

More was learned from this study underscoring that self-control is a foundational virtue that makes all other virtues possible. (Some would argue that it is the foundational virtue.) The original study was undertaken in 1970, but the results were published in 2015.[2] Were there any marked differences in social development between the eager marshmallow eaters and the patient and self-controlled eaters? As these children grew up and encountered all the opportunities to be patient or self-controlled, huge differences were notable: SAT scores were higher in the “patient” children, as was college attendance, stable marriages, and income, while early deaths, obesity, imprisonment rates were higher among the “impatient” children.

Self-control is the key to a thriving or successful life. As Christians we can add that self-control and patience are key to holiness, or a pure heart.

To return to Titus, this experiment seems to suggest that modern psychology has finally caught up with the Bible.  Or, to put it more positively, it seems we can talk to people—to Christians as well as non-Christians—about the importance of self-control as part of our being created by God.

Pause and consider: Am I the only one who’s gotten in trouble due to a lack of self-control? Losing self-control leads to angry outbursts, speeding, throwing things, and even cheating on taxes. Students lacking self-control and patience often do poorly in school. Those who’ve never learned self-control have a higher chance of ending up in prison. On the other hand, those who have learned these traits are pleasant to be around; it is a pleasure to be around patient, self-controlled children and friends.

Leaders who uphold sound doctrine can be evidenced through their self-control. Such training begins in the family. Nancy and I taught our children the importance of self-control and patience for apprehending all the Christian virtues, and now, as a grandpa, I’ve tried to make sure every grandchild knows the value of patience.

“Rooney, tell Grandpa about patience.”

“Grandpa, you know! ‘Patience is a virtue, difficult to attain, but precious to hold.’”

“What does that mean, Rooney?”

“It means that it is very important to learn to be patient.”

That is the truth.

“You, however, must teach what is appropriate to sound doctrine…to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.” (Titus 2:1-2)

[1] Titus 1:8; 2:1; 2:3; 2:6; 2:12. The Greek word is much more nuanced than simply “self-control.” It is used of wisdom, sensible, sound mind, and temperate. Prudent is translation that is often used. The King James translates “temperate.”

[2] The Marshmallow Test: Why Self-control is the Engine to Success (New York: Little, Brown Spark).

Dr. Scott W. Sunquist, president of Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, is author of the “Attentiveness” blog. He welcomes comments, responses, and good ideas.